cemetry gates

limetreebower @ 2009-06-27T22:38:00

2009-06-28T02:39:29Z

It's Pride weekend in Toronto, and I went to see some good friends in the village on Friday night. The center of the village was closed to traffic and it was like walking through a massive outdoor party. I looked at the skyline to see the CN tower glowing with rainbow lights, and felt a sudden rush of affection for the very place I was in. The city is on strike, garbage is not being collected and because of this, the streets are filthy. We were literally wading through trash, and yet, my excitement for the night overruled my disgust and sadness at the state of the sidewalks. The notion that it is people who make a city what it is, was self-evident that night. What I saw barely phased what I felt. I think I have finally bonded with Toronto, lol.

productivity ftw / recession ftl

2009-06-24T22:37:19Z

I'm feeling much better than I was a few weeks ago, although things still aren't perfect. An extensive 3 month job search and 100+ resumes later, and still no solid employment. Wtf, life?

However, I managed to replace my health card, get my G1, acquire a new phone, figure out once and for all my plans for school this fall, cut my dirty overgrown hippie hair, and get medicated all over the past two weeks.

Now I'm sipping an ice cold Tuborg and waiting on a friend with weed (who is a friend indeed, amirite?)

limetreebower @ 2009-06-03T13:43:00

2009-06-03T17:44:45Z

I can't live here anymore.
Moving out will be awesome.

limetreebower @ 2009-05-27T10:18:00

2009-05-27T14:22:16Z

I'm really enjoying A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man, which I was finally able to start reading a little while ago.

meadowvale-- home of high school posers and crazy immigrant christians

2009-05-22T04:27:33Z

An elderly woman approached me today while I was waiting for a bus. She spotted me from across a four lane street, and j-walked directly to where I was sitting on the grass. She told me not to sit on the ground because it would instill a damp cold in my body which would activate itself during menstruation and give me terrible cramps. She proceeded to tell me that God is my real father and he would not make me ugly because I'm supposed to look like him. I was also advised to never 'lay wit a bwoi' because he would pass his demons onto me through the sexual act.
Oh, and that queasiness I feel when I do something wrong is actually Satan laughing and cheering from inside my stomach walls.

Good to know...

limetreebower @ 2009-04-28T15:33:00

2009-04-28T19:41:43Z

I watched Modern Times again this morning (yes, I'm still on a major Chaplin kick) and it's even better the second time around. I wish there was someone else with whom I could appreciate his genius.

Just checked my final grades for this year. After about a week of nearly pulling my hair out from the disaster that was my American history exam, I am extremely relieved. =D
Job hunting also went fairly well yesterday.
Now, I can almost rest; just still waiting to hear back about the exchange.

limetreebower @ 2009-04-22T21:45:00

2009-04-23T00:59:12Z

Bombed American history exam yesterday, but confident in my ~ownership~ of British history this morning. I'm all packed up, for the most part, and ready to head home.

I figured I might as well finish the vodka that's been sitting in the freezer since October. It was three quarters full and I have nothing to mix it with. So now I am half drunk alternating between musical piracy and watching Russell Brand's video blogs--which feels almost like having a real conversation at this point-- and thinking about what I want to eat at the airport.
I tend to be ceremonious in saving my hunger all day for my airport meal. I don't know why, it has become a ritual. I guess because I know I'm going to be sitting there for two, sometimes three hours depending on how the bus schedule works out with the flight time. Tomorrow I'm anticipating something of the salad variety. I also like to designate something to do, usually a combination of book and film for the trip, which generally takes about 11 hours altogether from the time I leave campus to the time I get into Pearson. This time I'm going to watch "City Lights" with Charlie Chaplin and read "Possible Side Affects" by Augusten Burroughs. I have a pack of Benson & Hedges with me. Last time I went home, for reading week in February, I had Belmonts. Wondering if this will have any noticeable impact on the journey.

Happy traveling, all.

PS-- I love this guy's pranks. He is rude and hilarious.

RE: MY LIFE RIGHT NOW

2009-04-17T16:23:51Z

This is lovely

2009-04-10T18:06:38Z

I want to make some bell jar art. Does anyone know where I can find them?

Also, I'm actually looking forward to going home so that I can get my bike out again. Gyms make me really uncomfortable, and I need to get rid of the extra weight which has been slowing me down lately; spending most of the day sitting, writing essays or just procrastinating, has taken its toll. Quite obviously. Oops. :(

limetreebower @ 2009-04-07T15:47:00

2009-04-07T18:48:53Z

Hurrah for extended due dates.

But head continues to collide with desk.

unf

2009-03-31T00:24:01Z

I wish Charlie Chaplin were alive today so I could marry him and have like 10 thousand of his babies.

D=

2009-03-29T05:18:57Z

http://yvettesbridalformal.com

stay a while and look around.

fuck my life.

2009-03-22T18:56:17Z

due next monday:
10 page post-colonial english essay
5-7 page british history book review

due next thursday/friday:
10 page 20th c english essay, x 2
10-12 page american history document research essay
10 page philosophy "manual on how to understand/manage human nature" essay
5-7 page american history book review, for a book i dont even have yet

can i be dead now?

limetreebower @ 2009-03-15T17:28:00

2009-03-15T20:33:23Z

A little over a month of school left, including exams. Many papers to write, none started.
I just want to paint my room and play with my dog =(

But we are looking at Howl this week in American history, which should be fun. I hope the fact that I am writing my final paper on Lawrence Ferlinghetti does not make my professor think that I am going to be comfortable talking my face off in that class. He continues to challenge my decided status as observer, rather than participator.

limetreebower @ 2009-01-29T11:09:00

2009-01-29T15:18:04Z

I think I am decidedly inadaptable to these winds. Left for class today, got halfway down the street and had to turn around and come back. The wonky right foot strikes again: I nearly fell over with every step.

In other news, I just bought this online:

icu dali, nietzsche!

But I am still waiting for my Ferlinghettis to arrive.

limetreebower @ 2008-12-14T23:46:00

2008-12-15T04:02:06Z

This really has been the longest two months of my life, as far as I can recall, and now I am finally nearing its conclusion...the end is in sight. A bit foggy and questionably gated, but it is definitely there. Three days, eight more hours of exams, one more trip to the bakery for some ~souvenir bread~ for my fellow Ontarians, and I'm done. With this semester, anyway.

My dad says that the family will be foregoing the extent of our big gift-giving tradition this year. Christmas day usually ends with piles of clutter and useless shit that none of us will ever use after a week's possession of it. I hope this means I get money.

The first thing on my imaginary wishlist is this fuckin' badass hat.

Happy non-denominational consumer based holidays, everyone.

limetreebower @ 2008-11-03T22:14:00

2008-11-04T02:24:43Z

...scholarship more and more turns away from a primitive impression of existence; there is nothing to live through, nothing to experience, everything is finished, and the task of speculative thought is to rubricate, classify, and methodically order the various categories of thought. One does not love, does not have faith, does not act; but one knows what erotic love is, what faith is, and the question is only about their place in the system.
-Kierkegaard, from the "Concluding Unscientific Postscript to Philosophical Fragments"

I have a tendency to dislike you, Soren, but we do agree on a few things.
I am growing tired of being engaged in the type of scholarship he describes there. My own lack of creativity as of late upsets me. I'm convinced that I need to get away from this environment for a while to replenish it. Help me, you ghost. :(

limetreebower @ 2008-10-28T00:02:00

2008-10-28T03:07:58Z

Came across this poem, seemed to say something to me.
Well, to be more precise, it made me a bit uncomfortable. But I suppose in a good way? I feel like I'm being called out on...something.

“To Love Life”
Ellen Bass

The thing is
to love life
to love it even when you have no
stomach for it, when everything you've held
dear crumbles like burnt paper in your hands
and your throat is filled with the silt of it.
When grief sits with you so heavily
it's like heat, tropical, moist
thickening the air so it's heavy like water
more fit for gills than lungs.
When grief weights you like your own flesh
only more of it, an obesity of grief.
How long can a body withstand this? you think,
and yet you hold life like a face between your palms,
a plain face, with no charming smile
or twinkle in her eye,
and you say, yes, I will take you
I will love you again.

Also, I was re-reading "The Dead" and I am tempted to write yet another essay on it for 20th century lit. I read a lot of James Joyce last year. I have been searching for my own copy of Dubliners for so long, I've almost given up. If you see one around, please inform!

limetreebower @ 2008-10-24T01:03:00

2008-10-24T04:06:09Z

I really, genuinely hate being a student sometimes. Having all these obligations and deadlines, usually ones I have to skip sleep to meet. Unfortunately it's all I'm good for, so I suppose I had better just suck it up and drink some redbull.

Love: the fourth madness

2008-10-14T18:38:23Z

Good weekend. Bad ending.

And I almost missed my flight; that would have been balls.

I consumed copious amounts of coffee and guarana for the purpose of staying up to complete my philosophy paper. Needless to say, it didn't happen. My logic and intent are just not cooperating with one another. I'm trying to give my hopeful answer of "absolutely", to the question of "Can people who never fall in love achieve their full potential as human beings?"
But it's not adding up. Given the text I am working with, I just cannot bend the argument my way. It's like the words are sneering at me, all honest and spiteful.
I hate this topic.

limetreebower @ 2008-10-05T01:51:00

2008-10-05T05:07:52Z

I made the mistake of taking an early evening nap, and now I am wide awake at two in the morning.
Got baked and watched Dr. Strangelove today. It was sooo good. Peter Sellers was incredible, imho.

I am going home after my midterm on Friday, though I will not get in until about midnight. It'll be a very short weekend... hopefully I will have enough time to spare for everything I had planned on doing; and enough money to do them.

However, I am less thrilled about the visit than I was a few weeks ago. I feel such a distance from most of my friends. Especially, oddly enough, the ones with whom I spent the majority of the summer. It's almost as if when I left, I cleared off all memory of myself in the process. They haven't called me since I got here, not once. I had really begun to settle into it all, but this sudden cut-off without much reluctance from the other side is making me rethink what I had interpreted as important. Can't say that it's a satisfying revelation...

limetreebower @ 2008-09-29T19:43:00

2008-09-29T22:57:24Z

My first paper of the year was handed back today. An A is definitely better than I expected, considering it was a last minute composition and I forgot to cite anything. Perhaps this bodes well for the rest of the semester?

I came across a folder on my computer, full of old hollywood portraits of Clara Bow and Gene Tierney and Montgomery Clift and the like, that I had perused and saved on Saturday afternoon when I was royally toasted off a little pinner. I had also, for some now forgotten reason, taken about 25 pictures of my yellow teapot and a saucer of orange peels from every possible angle.

I don't think I even know how to be productive with my time.

limetreebower @ 2008-09-27T12:00:00

2008-09-27T15:02:01Z

It was a beautiful morning.

limetreebower @ 2008-09-15T10:03:00

2008-09-15T13:28:23Z

I'm back at school now, and it has been alright. Classes are more intellectually stimulating than any I've had, as far as I can recall.
I have left behind most of the stress and anxiety that plagued me, between the great and sometimes bizarre moments of this summer, but still it is occasionally resurfacing and getting me down. It comes mostly when I'm idle, brief bouts of anxiety to the point of disorientation. Nothing is happening now. I suppose this is just idleness acting as a trigger in my memory, but they are not concrete things I am remembering; just feelings and sentiments that I would rather forget.
Not to contradict myself when I often say that if there's a feeling to be felt, of any kind, I will feel it at least once for the experience. But I have already felt these, and want to move on to something else. I'm not ignorant enough to think that I can forcibly make myself forget them, but they continue to emerge from the memory with the same unmitigated severity as was experienced in the moment itself. As time passes, I would hope that they had become less vivid. All I can do is keep myself occupied constantly to avoid confrontation with them.

limetreebower @ 2008-06-09T21:32:00

2008-06-10T01:38:45Z

I've had such a great week.
Shrooms are brilliant, as are forests at midnight and Egyptian cotton sheets. I had an out of body experience involving the baseboard under my friend's bed.
I also have a job interview tomorrow, at last. Granted, this job would require me to feign support for the CPC... but then I could always work for the socialists from the inside.